I’ve never been a fan of Valentines Day. One, because of the actually stories that are circulating around. You know of a man named Valentine who went on a mass murdering spree. Valentines Day holds history of gruesome murders and corrupted chaotic humans. Two, because every time around Valentines Day, I’d always have my heart-broken. So yeah I have pretty great reasons. But I do, however enjoy seeing others so happy in love, I guess that’s to do with my being a Hopeless Romantic. A Romance Junky.
Today, well, on Valentines Day something changed. I admit I was being optimistic and thought maybe it won’t be so bad, then it did the opposite of what I was going for. I went out on a date with a guy whom I call “The Man of my Dreams” literally, at first things were great. I showed him his present from me, which he was as ever very surprised that I brought him something. He saw something on my phone and the night took a bit of a grey turn. In all, I completely broke. I couldn’t bear to keep my thoughts and feelings bottled up. I was going to break down some time soon, I’m glad it was with him.
He brought me an Orchid. And its beautiful. It’s still blooming, so when it’s fully bloomed it will be as radiant and as vibrant as I see myself. This plant, this flower, reminds me of myself. I’ve been trying to get myself back on track. Do the things that I should have done when the opportunity presented itself. But it’s never too late to better yourself. Right now the Orchid is at the middle stage. Some of its flowers bloomed but it’s not complete. This gave me hope. He doesn’t know that. But it really gave me hope. Made me see that he does believe in me more than I actually thought. That he knows me better than I thought.
In all that darkness I had to make a choice. I was running. I didn’t want choices. I was going insane. When he had announced that he wanted, or that we needed a break for me, my heart was broken. It felt like we were done and there was no way of putting us back together. I tried it the submissive way and just take it and go with it but that definitely didn’t work. I’m a Capricorn, I naturally need answers and control. So self-consciously I, my mind and my heart were trying to search for answer but it was like trying to answer the unsolvable math equation. Nearly freaking impossible. I drove myself insane. My mind and my emotions were chaotic and this caste of my body was just in the wrong playground.
Through tonight, better through Valentines Day I found clarity. I found closure. Reassurance. I found freedom. I love him so much and I want the world to know it. The way my heart feels when he’s in my presence is astonishing. Mesmerizing. It’s a magnificent Aurora Borealis. It stops and goes and takes me on this intense ride. The rainbow of colors sooths my very skin. The chemicals that erupt from my body, my heart and my mind takes me on this high. It’s a ravenous sense of pleasure that leaves me weak but always wanting more. And the weaker I go. It’s a drug, he’s my drug. I don’t need to find Love. To find my Fairytale because my fairytale has already taken on my reality. I want no one else. My body hungers for no one else. He is everything to me.
I now see what people mean when they say true love will make you crazy and that’s when you know it’s real. He has done it. He’s given me more, what I asked. He has completely inspired me. He is now my muse. The reason my words can caress the pages of my notebooks. Chemicals, colors and all intensity he is my Aurora Borealis.