What They Have…

Maybe it’s because I got my heart-broken. Maybe it’s because I just feel forgotten but I want what they have. My sister and my mother, hell even my best friend. They have someone who cares, whether they fight or argue, they still have someone who can make them smile. Someone that wants them and shows it. Someone that’s just there. I don’t want a relationship or relations I just want someone to listen. To understand, to see me. I want to be wrapped up in someone’s arms just to fill safe and wanted and warm. I want someone to make me laugh genuinely, till my stomach starts to ache. Someone to read my mind, metaphorically of course. It’s so hard to really explain and only few will understand. The craziest part of all of this is that,Β naively, I want it to be Him to be that someone because he already knows me. And I know him. And together we are something Magical and it’s not just me who think this. But it’s just a waste of time because that will never happen. There will never be that. Us. I’m just wanting something that isn’t mine to want. That was never mine to have.

When ever I see my sister and her Boyfriend I get a sting of pure jealousy and I wish and hope that she appreciates what she has, what she is given, how she is feeling. Because it can vanish in the blink of an eye. In that very moment I am sent down a very dark pit. My heart rises to my throat making it difficult to breathe. And I only pray that she appreciates it. All of it. The same goes for my mom. Though I could do less of the endless and pointless arguing but two each its own. I am just alone surrounded by those who have something that I ache for.Something that is completely out of my reach. I don’t wish them harm or pain in any way, shape or form. I just want someone to know me.. And these words carry more than they say…

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