Words for My Conscience

I wish I could find the right words to describe whats happening,
but no matter how hard I try, I am not content with any of my choices.
None will suffice.

I’m driving myself insane
because the feeling that is coursing through my veins is absolute poison;
the deadliest–so enticing.
It’s piercing every corner of my heart, breaking,
rather shattering the doors to my soul and all I call Me.

I wish, oh how I wish I could explain even just a bit of the agony I’m in.
but I am not content with any of my choices.

I’m being torn apart by a fallen angel that resembles me–
an apparition of me–the torn and tormented part of me.
The agonizing and rage-ful part of me
and it only breaks my heart into a million pieces
as she claws herself through all I call Me.

I feel her rage as her tears fall down my cheeks.
I feel her restlessness and determination
as my bones brace for her impact.
I see all her memories played like a movie with malevolent purpose,
back to back to back.
she wants to be set free and if I let her be, there will be no coming back.

I wish I could explain the agony I’m in
but I’m only going in circles, driving myself insane trying to set her free
without setting her free,

without losing Me.

(c) Al’Nysa S. Goodwin

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