Stream of Consciousness– A Free Spirit

I want to Live. I mean I want to really Live. I want to explore and experience the world. I want to explore Me. I want to see what’s in this heart and mind of mine. I want to go deeper and deeper. I want to drown in myself and then I want to drown in the world. I feel so stagnated though. Like all that I want is only but a dream. It’s nowhere near in my reach. It’s a mirage. But me being me, there’s always hope and that’s what keeps me going and believing. I just want to Live. I want more than just to exist. Looking up at the sky, I feel it calling me, pulling me. The Heart of an Adventurer. I wish I was a bird or a butterfly–I adore butterflies, even though they only live for one day–so that the sky would be my Home. I want to experience different cultures, different people. I want to learn numerous amounts of things. I want to be able to look up at the sky and see millions if not billions of stars. I want it to completely devour me. I want them to show me things, unknown things. Laying in the grass, feeling the wind blow, listening to the earth, the universe as she talks to me. As she lets me in on whats always been there. I want to find my own spiritual path and not be judged by that–but that’s really a pipe dream. People fear what they don’t understand or what they don’t know. I want to know Me. I want to know my existence. I’ve fallen in love a plethora of times and had my heart-broken just as many times. Broken a few heart’s myself. I’ve made horrible decisions; became apart of a statistic when I dropped out of high school, which made my life harder than it should be;the only decision I regret most. But I’ve recently decided that I don’t want to regret anything, that I am human and experience is the best teacher. I’ve decided to just ‘Ride the Wave‘ I can’t control everything in life. I shouldn’t try. I should just live it. Love it. Experience it. I don’t have a plan for myself I never did. It was always someone else’s plan set for me and I’d mold myself to that plan thinking it was what I wanted. Finally I woke up. I’m a wanderer. I go with the seasons. I know I have a love for writing and all things creative and I would love to pursue that without actually planing every step. Just wake up everyday and keep moving forward, while enjoying life and all things that come with it. I can feel it in my bones great things are coming for me. they’re already starting to happen. I don’t know what I believe in as far as religion and I’m okay with that. most would say “Poor girl is lost and try to pin a religion on me. Try to force it on me, which only pushes me away. It took me a long time to be okay with that due to my surroundings, I felt I should just follow the crowd. Now I’m like na, that’s not me. It never was. I am finally at the point where I can careless of others opinions or thoughts. I’m just me. Finally finding me and it feels invigorating. I just… I just want to live freely. I am Forever Bound A Free spirit.

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