23.

There’s voice inside of me who cannot be caged
No one can make you feel something without your consent.
The Blame Game is a Famous Game
Manipulation is a party favor
self inventory is feared upon
The Spirit is real, minus those who are still asleep
Truth is blurred
Hope is a dream
people are lost
Love still exists, but few remembers
there’s good in some places,
Mistakes are made
Growth is uncertain for those who listen.
Faith is dying
The world is falling
Unity is an outsider
Corruption is breakfast, lunch and dinner
people are toys
money is power
The world is falling
The world is falling
Fear is evident
Chaos is luxury
unity is an outsider
Love is the answer, but no one remembers–
Corruption is
Breakfast,
Lunch,
and
Dinner.
..Things I’ve Learned in 23 years..

In response to Everyday Inspiration by The Daily Post: Day Two : Write a List.

CODE RED

Fallen-Angel-angels-32426792-1024-768Frustration, Anger, and Rage have all infiltrated me. The person I am has been run down and bound. I am now just their host. They cause my heart to feel restless. It’s like they’re squeezing the life out of me. Killing me. As painful as it is, part of me likes it, wants it, but I know that’s just them sinking their venomous teeth in my veins, my blood stream, making me want it like a drug. I feel them crawling through me. Enjoying my demise. My brain paints pictures of me and who I am, in an attempt to help me remember who I am; trying not to let these imbeciles take over me. I hear their sneaky, malevolent, whimsical laughs as the torment continues. I feel their venom work their way to my mind. Trying to take over me as quickly as possible. Trying to turn my mind to mush. Trying to completely control me.

Sleepless. They are making me feel restless and starved. Weak. I am putting up this fight, no, this war with every bit of strength they haven’t taken from me. But I want to give up. I want to give in. Give in to this Ravenous, all-consuming, high that they have me on. Give in to the desire. The Evil that they’ve plagued me with. The chemicals, their chemicals are in rushing through my body. The tips of my fingers tingle. Biting my lip, because I am enjoying this, they sing such a sweet melody. So captivating. Sirens in disguise, they are singing the Music of the Night to me. And I listen willingly. I listen willingly.

What am I doing? I can’t let them have me. I can’t let them win me. I have to fight. No matter how beautiful they make it seem. No matter how mesmerizing the song maybe. I can’t let them win me. My surroundings help them; puts me in their arctic embrace. The person I am is no more, but I fight like I have choice. Slowly I am losing my sanity as I hear their victorious laughs because they are enjoying my infinite demise.

But I still fight…I still fight…. I still….

Sailing Away

I can’t even begin to tell you what is going on with me internally.
Emotionally I am exhausted. Mentally I am falling into oblivion.
Just pass me the blunt, so that none of this will matter.
So that everything is nothing.
So that I can just sit back and sail away to a place only I know.
Just pass me the blunt, no questions, nothing.

My mind is racing too fast, my heart is beating too slow,
nothing is on the same page. I feel it beginning to cave
in as the beats get slower, shallower. As I inhale all of nature,
let everything be nothing and nothing be everything.
As I connect with my higher self,
everything will become clearer and lighter the further I sail away.

As I inhale the thick, sweet aroma let it course through me,
rendering the tension to surrender. Let it invade my mind
so that peace consumes and I smile for the first time.
So just pass me the blunt, no questions, nothing.
And everything will be nothing and nothing will be everything.

(C) Al’Nysa S. Goodwin

Fool me once..

I swear if I see you again
It will all be too soon
Cause the Anger that courses through me
Knows no mercy not for anyone
Especially you
Some of that Anger is for myself
Because I wasn’t smart enough
To see the game
And when I finally saw it
I wasn’t strong enough to walk the hell away
You had me in the palm of your hand
I was your little puppet
Dancing your dance.
I swear if I see you again..
I pray I don’t see you again
Cause the Anger that courses through me
Knows no mercy, not for anyone
Especially You.

(C) Al’Nysa S. Goodwin

Words for My Conscience

I wish I could find the right words to describe whats happening,
but no matter how hard I try, I am not content with any of my choices.
None will suffice.

I’m driving myself insane
because the feeling that is coursing through my veins is absolute poison;
the deadliest–so enticing.
It’s piercing every corner of my heart, breaking,
rather shattering the doors to my soul and all I call Me.

I wish, oh how I wish I could explain even just a bit of the agony I’m in.
but I am not content with any of my choices.

I’m being torn apart by a fallen angel that resembles me–
an apparition of me–the torn and tormented part of me.
The agonizing and rage-ful part of me
and it only breaks my heart into a million pieces
as she claws herself through all I call Me.

I feel her rage as her tears fall down my cheeks.
I feel her restlessness and determination
as my bones brace for her impact.
I see all her memories played like a movie with malevolent purpose,
back to back to back.
she wants to be set free and if I let her be, there will be no coming back.

I wish I could explain the agony I’m in
but I’m only going in circles, driving myself insane trying to set her free
without setting her free,

without losing Me.

(c) Al’Nysa S. Goodwin