CODE RED

Fallen-Angel-angels-32426792-1024-768Frustration, Anger, and Rage have all infiltrated me. The person I am has been run down and bound. I am now just their host. They cause my heart to feel restless. It’s like they’re squeezing the life out of me. Killing me. As painful as it is, part of me likes it, wants it, but I know that’s just them sinking their venomous teeth in my veins, my blood stream, making me want it like a drug. I feel them crawling through me. Enjoying my demise. My brain paints pictures of me and who I am, in an attempt to help me remember who I am; trying not to let these imbeciles take over me. I hear their sneaky, malevolent, whimsical laughs as the torment continues. I feel their venom work their way to my mind. Trying to take over me as quickly as possible. Trying to turn my mind to mush. Trying to completely control me.

Sleepless. They are making me feel restless and starved. Weak. I am putting up this fight, no, this war with every bit of strength they haven’t taken from me. But I want to give up. I want to give in. Give in to this Ravenous, all-consuming, high that they have me on. Give in to the desire. The Evil that they’ve plagued me with. The chemicals, their chemicals are in rushing through my body. The tips of my fingers tingle. Biting my lip, because I am enjoying this, they sing such a sweet melody. So captivating. Sirens in disguise, they are singing the Music of the Night to me. And I listen willingly. I listen willingly.

What am I doing? I can’t let them have me. I can’t let them win me. I have to fight. No matter how beautiful they make it seem. No matter how mesmerizing the song maybe. I can’t let them win me. My surroundings help them; puts me in their arctic embrace. The person I am is no more, but I fight like I have choice. Slowly I am losing my sanity as I hear their victorious laughs because they are enjoying my infinite demise.

But I still fight…I still fight…. I still….

Am I Just?..

When you see me, am I just an object that makes your dick hard
that makes the hairs on your skin stand straight up.
Am I just an object that sends a firestorm all through your veins,
the passion that causes you to suffocate.
When you see me, am I just an object that makes your dick hard?
There is more to me than just a pretty face,
than just a beautiful body,
then just my physical attributes.
There is more to me than just my outsides.
When you see me, see me for my brain,
my knowledge; the way I think.
See me for my heart,
for the way I care; the way I love.
When you see me, see me for my strength
for my ability to hold you down and all of life’s obstacles.
For my ability to love even those who’ve hurt me.
When you see me, see me for my passion
for all that I do, know that I put my all in to.
So when you see me, look behind what makes your dick hard.
what makes the hairs on your skin stand tall.
There is more to me than just a pretty face
Than just a beautiful body
There is more to me than just my outsides.

(c) Al’Nysa S. Goodwin

Despicable

I am haunted by a Frigid and Despicable
apparition known as Darkness
It wants me back. It needs me back, and it’s doing everything
in its power to have me back.
It’s using a reflection of a girl I used to be,
trying to make me see that I need it.
because without it I have nothing
and truthfully there is some truth to that
and it smiles thinking
that it has me back,
but I’m not the same person I was before.

This Darkness has always been in me,
snatching me away from any happiness,
making it only a dream,
showing me my “real” reality-A Prison. His Prisoner-
Instead of rising above, I let it intimidate me-
became its most prized possession; I fed it endlessly.

So I am haunted by a reflection
trying to make me see
that without it
I am nothing
when really,
I. Am. Everything.

 

(c) Al’Nysa S. Goodwin

COWARD

Why couldn’t you
just love me back
Instead you left me to drown
I am alone in this when i know I’m not
Why couldn’t you just say you love me.

That’s all I needed hear.
I knew there was no
Promise of forever
even though I hoped.
All I needed was for you
to just say you love me
instead you left me to drown

You ran-Coward, like a child
running from a clown.
You let me see the heavens
and now I’m free-falling
down, down, deeper than the ground.
Why couldn’t you just love me back
why did you leave me to drown
I am alone in this
when I know that I’m not.

(c) Al’Nysa S. Goodwin