The way he kisses me should send me to my death. I should burst in flames and enjoy the excruciating pain that is his love. The place where my heart use to be sends the beating vibrations all through me; an echoing shadow of this long dead heart of mine. He deserves better than what I am giving him. How I am treating him. But I can’t stay away. His human heart beats as mine would if I had one. This goes against so many laws. So many rules that could result in death. For the both us.
“Lilah,” He says bringing my attention back to him, “I don’t know why you came into my life but please don’t ever leave me. I know it breaks the rules of this dark world you live in, but the day you leave me I would rather die than never see you again.” Staring shocked and in utter disbelief that I feel the same way but knowing that this will eventually come to an end, I lie because I want to believe that something will change, “Sebastian,” I say looking into his mesmerizing Blue eyes, “I’d break the laws for you over and over again. I’d die over and over again just to see those eyes of yours. To see the way you look at me. To hear your heart beat and rush as I come closer to you. I love you”
We stand looking out at the moon, he grabs my face and my cold skin tingles. And without waiting his lips are on mine. This kiss, our kiss lights my skin on fire. His hands caressing my body, I slam him down, “AH!” he yells. I keep forgetting that he’s fragile, that he’s human and the fear that I could kill him, that I’ve could’ve killed him, swims inside me. My eyes are full of worry. He grabs my face and brings it to his mouth and kisses me, “I’m not hurt Lilah, the pain of being slammed down by you hurts too good.” He smiles his sly smile and I take him in the air. He’s kissing my neck and grabbing my body, his moans and racing breath makes me moan the same. Sex in midair has every reward possible. “Welcome to the real meaning of “The Mile High club.” I say smiling. He smiles back and we float in each other’s’ embrace.
A swoop of air flies past me and familiar hands are around me. Gabriel. My other lover. He hugs me and his lips finds mine. I feel so guilty for what I am doing. But I don’t know how to remove myself from the situation. I wish that I had never put myself in this situation in the first place, but it’s a little too late to regret. I love two different people. Though my kind would say that there isn’t loving a human. That is doesn’t exists. That they are food and nothing more. That if you think otherwise then you can die like one, or watch them die over and over again. That it’s your choice. I abhor the laws. That’s why I don’t belong to anyone. I am on my own. Been that way since I become a part of this world. “How’s my Lilah?” Gabriel says with his evil demeanor. Sometimes I can’t stand him but then he does something and I love him the next. I can’t stand that to him I am a possession nothing more. “You’re Lilah?” I laugh sarcastically, “I’m no one’s Lilah, You don’t own me Gabriel when are you going to get that through that thick scull of yours.” I say smiling at my honesty. He laughs his comical laugh, “As ever you make me smile.” I rip his hands off of me and walk away.
Why I play hard to get with him, I don’t know. It’s amusing. Sebastian’s’ essence seeps his way into my undead conscience and the vibrations begin again. Gabriel’s hands are around me again. From behind he whispers in my ear, “You will always be mine.” His deep, dark, sinister voice makes me colder than I am natural. With the speed of light I slam him into a wall. His sly smile welcomes me to continue. Kissing him, up and down his body. Leaving my poisonous kiss all over him. He slams me on the floor and I smile, enjoying this pain. The next we’re on the ceiling, then back to the wall. He’s inside me, I moan and bit him. His blood trickles down his back. He moans and bits me. Scratching each other, the ravenous pleasure consumes me. With his hands around my neck, I moan louder and louder. Can’t control the hunger that’s growing inside of me, I let go and come with an excruciating pain of realizing that I am enjoying this and that I am hurting him–my Sebastian.
Rushing through the wind, worry elevates me. My world, my little world is caving in on me. Someone has been watching me. Following me. There’s whispers of me and a human being intimate. What I fear most is now becoming my reality. Reaching my destination I hear Gabriel’s thundering voice yell at someone. It almost makes me tremble but it’s not him I’m afraid of. It’s Sebastian. It’s losing Sebastian. It’s what they’ll do to him. “He will see you now.” Says another Vampire, the one he was screaming at. He has a sly smile on his face and anger swallows me. Walking in the room it’s a lot cooler than I wanted it to be, but head held high I continue.
“Well, well, well, how’s my Lilah?” asks Gabriel, more sinister than ever. I smile, “Your Lilah?” I look into his eyes, “I was never your Lilah. I told you this repeatedly.” Nonchalantly I say. I see his broad features tighten. The way he looks at me could burn a hole through this very caste I call my body. “So it’s true. You’re with that human?” he says with disgust.
“I see no point in lying. Yes, it’s true. Hell I wish I’d met him before I got stuck in this dark, depressing ass world you live in.” his eyebrows go in.
“So you’ve chosen then?”
“Gabriel, I’ve chosen the day I became one of you.”
“Are you saying you hate being a Vampire?” his voice playful, “Because that would just be a bold faced lie.”
“It has its pros.”
“So you never loved me?”
The hurt in his voice takes me by surprise. Gabriel wasn’t the sensitive type. He was far from it. “I do love you. I didn’t foresee falling for you but it happened. But don’t make me choose, Gabriel” his eyebrows raise up.
“Don’t make you choose? That’s exactly what’s going to happen. Actually there isn’t a choice. Your human is just as disposable as his life.”
He waves his hand toward one of the grand doorways and my dead heart falls to the floor. Sebastian is thrown to the floor like the trash they say humans are. They’ve beaten him. Drank from him. They tortured him. He looks at me with those all- loving Blue eyes, blood running down his face. I am in utter speechlessness. He could barely speak, “I love you Lilah. I love–” Gabriel kicked him and he flew against the stone walls. His screams turned my eyes blood red. I look to Gabriel who is smiling. Enjoying this torment. He began to speak but anger and rage have completely devoured me. I hear nothing. I fear nothing. I charged at him with speed and strength I didn’t know I had. Before he could react his head was detached from his cold broken body. Growling I attacked the others. Bodies are severed and laid out around the circular room. Blood painted the stone floors. Others ran. I grabbed Sebastian and with that new found speed I was gone with the blink of an eye.
Flying through the arctic air, tears of unbearable pain flooded through me. Being a Vampire only makes emotions including pain ten times greater. I couldn’t hear Sebastian’s heartbeat. Not a pulse. Panic, rage, revenge, pain, cause an internal hurricane. We make it to my secret place. I made sure the Vamp Society knew nothing about. Just in case one day I’d have to hide. I lay his broken and bruised body on the bed. Not knowing what to do, I bite my wrist and put it to his mouth. “You have to drink this Sebastian. Please, you have to. Don’t die on me. I can’t lose you. I can’t. You’re the light that lit up my dark world. Please don’t die on me. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry!” Frantically crying and apologizing, nothing changes. Silence devours the room. I lay with his dead arms around me. Holding his hands remembering the last time who told me he loved me.
That night I died with him. I buried him. And on the 7th of every month I go visit his grave. I tell him what I’ve been up to, how much I miss him, that his family misses him too. The Vamp Society didn’t just take away someone that loved me or someone I loved. They took away his family. They took away my life. And as a promise to him I will not stop until they are all dead, until there is only dust because they won’t kill me. This is my punishment. This. Is. My. Living. Hell.