Category: Stream of Consciousness

For writings that seem to have no real place. This is random driving, where I will writing whatever runs through my mind. Day to day life experiences and interactions that I may encounter. Enjoy

My Newest Journey

Lately, I have been wanting to talk about Journey, you know the travel from one destination to another and another for a final end. But the words weren’t all right, so I figured it just wasn’t time, I had to sit and let life happen.

We all change, we grow, becoming more of who we’re meant to be. We go through the horrific patches that seem endless and repetitive, but that’s only because some of us, well most of us, are hardheaded and refuse to listen to the wise voice that tells us only the truth. So we constantly and consistently run place until we have had enough and then a new journey begins.

We are all afraid of change. We hate what we cannot control, we fear what we do not understand or what we don’t know. Your life is a journey,  change will happen regardless, you can either run in place and hate the world for changing or you can grow with the world or beyond it. The choice is truly yours.

My newest journey took me by the gut. I was angry at the world but mostly I was angry at myself. I felt so ashamed and disgusted by my actions,  because I knew better. I went through hell and high waters. This was not apart of my plan and could have done what was necessary to avoid any bumps of any kind. I resented everything about myself and I was fearful for myself. this new journey was untraveled waters. I was in a deep spiral. I felt that my dreams were a thing of my past, I had completely thrown them away like a favorite pair of shoes; unreplaceable.

I even tried ignoring these emotions but that only made everything so much worse. I was feeling selfish because it was suppose to be about me and only me. Then finally, I called to Jesus and in a heartbeat he was there. I felt everything I was feeling like I was supposed to, I needed to acknowledge these emotions going on. This new and frightening journey will take me far beyond who I am.

This will give me everything that I have ever asked for; Courage, to do the impossible, Inspiration, where the rivers run without end and Purpose, an intense reason for my being, where I can pour all of who I am without fear. Where I can grow above and beyond my wildest dreams; emotionally and mentally. Where my dreams weren’t thrown away like an old pair of shoes, but revived and revamped. My newest journey, Motherhood, will be my best one yet.

HELP WANTED: Prisoner of Writer’s Block

Today, I cannot seem to write. Every sentence just seems lifeless.. Mentally, I feel empty and there doesn’t seem to be a better way to describe this. It’s frustrating for me, to have so much to say and cannot say it. Simple challenges that come with a little ease is almost impossible to complete, let alone start. I feel like my brain is being fried by a stun gun Writers block, I’d like to say is the culprit; I just want to write.

I have given myself a well needed break before continuing any writing adventures. Any suggestions WordPress bloggers?

Why Do I Write?

I tend to ask myself this question on a regular basic; Why do I write? Every time the response seems different. I write because it’s me. I write to express. I just write. Then there are the other parts that I don’t talk about, like how hard it can be sometimes. So many think that it comes so easy to me to be able to make up stories or just simple express myself in verse, but it’s hard work. I hate having to force myself to write because it seems like nothing comes out right. I like for things to flow. Writing involves a lot of discipline, something that I lack just a bit. I want to write everyday, I feel that I could have tremendous growth if I did. I know I would. It’s just so difficult at times when life takes control.

But then I think, what if I couldn’t write anymore, and panic arises. This motivates me to remember my true love for writing. If I couldn’t express myself through words, there would be chaos from the inside out. I think way too much about everything and everyone. My mind moves faster than I can truly keep up, writing slows it all down, for just a moment when I can get some understanding before she speeds back up once more. So I write, because it bring joy to my soul and a calmness to my spirit. Because “there is a voice within me that will not be still” -Sylvia Plath

August 17th

Today, one of my little brothers have graduated high school. As I watched him receive his diploma, the pride and gratitude that mounted his face could have bought me to tears if I wasn’t trying to keep my composure. Today he realized the achievement that he has conquered. I  couldn’t be more proud to have witness yet another victory! One day soon my victory will come, and I will know all that he and my little sister have witnessed and on that day I will not hold back my tears, for I will let the rivers break as I rejoice in sweet freedom and Triumphant Victory.

 

Closed Mouth won’t get Fed

Hello Universe,

I don’t like to ask people for anything. I never liked to ask people for anything of sorts. Is that bad? It sickens me. I’m sure there’s probably a word for the category of people like me. I wonder.. Anyway, I guess I feel like I can help myself; if I put my mind to it; I can do anything. I shouldn’t have to ask someone, including my mother. I just feel like it’s being lazy. Is that bad?. I feel like we as human can amount to so many things. Our potential is unfathomable. I feel like we’re playing. These are just my thoughts. Then, there’s the realistic side where we are just beings. Nothing special about it, about Us, meant to live until it’s time to go. Hm.. I really am both sides of a coin; someone once told me that.. Like being day and night.